Friday, May 23, 2014

two weeks!!!

I cannot believe that in two weeks we will be in Boulder, on the night before our wedding.  We have SO much to do it feels like in these next fourteen days...We are both so ready for all the things to just be  done.  It's so surreal how close it is, two weeks is nothing.  In two weeks, we will have rings on our fingers and be married!! It's crazy.

The things that are hitting me now are...nerves, excitement, sadness, joy..just a swirling of all different emotions.  I'm nervous about people looking at me, about walking down the aisle, about the fact that it's *our* thing, I hope people have a great time, yadda yadda.  Excited because...well I think it will be an awesome time and can't wait to see everyone together in one space and because we are getting married!  And of course, as highly sensitive me always does, I feel the sadness and the mourning of the end of an era - with this marking of time passing it brings up the ache of mortality and all of its trappings.  Feelings around my parents, around my own mortality, and around my fiance's.  Joy because this seems like its too good to be true, like I can't believe this wedding weekend is actually happening.  Our wedding plans kind of evolved organically, we didn't have a specific idea when we started looking at venues, but somehow this turned out to the wedding I always dreamed of.  Everyone staying in cabins,  mountains, a creek, nature....It's like my Washington dream wedding but in Colorado.

I'm a little stressed about the decor stuff..making sure it doesn't look too plain and wanting it to look really great and resemble us..but at the same time, I *want* to be over caring about that stuff, but I have to care a little right now in order to get it done.

This is such an incoherent post but I figured why not, haven't posted in a while, and I'm also trying to distract myself from the anxiety around my dentist appointment in two hours (fourth and last cavity filling thank you very much not at all).

I'm also excited to be married and the rooting and empowerment that comes with it so that I can refocus on my career. This past year has been a whirlwind and I was blown off my regular path to tend to my inner world in a huge way, but I am excited to start getting back into the world and putting my energy back into acting (the business part of it-ick), writing, making some money, and maybe changing this site around into something more meaningful that DOES something, I don't know.

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